By Arlene R. Taylor Ph.D.
In
general, negative thinking is connected with a sense of fear. The emotion of
fear is essential to living safely, because it alerts you to situations that
could pose a danger. Unfortunately, much of the fear people tend to harbor in
their minds and bodies has nothing to do with actual danger. Rather it is
imaginary fear that may have its basis in past experiences, self-esteem issues,
learned patterns of negative thinking, unhealed woundedness, lack of specific
skills related to living successfully, and (sometimes) a failure to leave
childhood defense mechanisms behind and grow up into a mature adulthood. Any
type of fear tends to trigger downshifting of the brain, and this can interfere
with conscious thought processing. If you recognize your thoughts are fearful,
ask yourself some questions and then pay attention to your thoughts in
response. Here are some suggestions:
·
What do you fear?
·
Is the fear real and valid?
·
If so, what is the worst thing that could happen?
·
What is the probability that the worst thing
will happen?
·
Can you do anything about it?
If you can, take appropriate action related to the
actual danger. If you cannot or if it is related to imaginary fears, negative
thinking is unlikely to improve the odds and can contribute to illness. Change
the way you think. Recall a happy memory or identify something to appreciate.
Studies have shown that it is physiologically impossible to be appreciative and
fearful at the same time.
Arlene R. Taylor Ph.D., one of the world's leading speakers on
brain function, and has spoken to thousands of people at conferences
internationally. She is a sought-after charismatic speaker who presents
practical brain function information in entertaining, educational, and
empowering ways. For more information and additional reading, click here.
You can also find her books and videos at Amazon.
This month at the Little Pickle Press blog, we’ll be
discussing fear and safety. As a conscientious parent, grandparent, educator,
or child advocate, please join our conversations and share your concerns and
suggestions with other readers. Visit us often throughout October.
Start the
discussion about safety with your child this Fall with What Does It Mean To Be Safe?, written by
Rana DiOrio and illustrated by Sandra Salsbury. This Mom’s Choice Gold Award
Winner explores physical, emotional, social, and cyber-safety, and gives
children easy guidelines to help them understand how to protect themselves
and feel secure in their environments.
For the month of October, you can save 30% off your entire order when you
purchase What Does It Mean To Be Safe? bit.ly/lppshopsafe
Just use code LPPSafe12 at checkout.
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Which makes me wonder why humans get thrills from scary movies and zombies and Halloween! Why do we scare ourselves on purpose from childhood?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the fascinating post. Very interesting how childhood events can carry over and impact adult life.
ReplyDeleteI am always on the look out for how fear shows up in my life. Fear is a big liar and if I walk thru it, I find fear has no holding power. I have learned the at the end of every thought usually has a feeling. Being present and connected helps me be aware of my thoughts. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea that having an attitude of gratitude insulates a person from feeling fearful. Just another great reason to be appreciative of all of our blessings. Thanks so much for the informative post, Dr. Taylor.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent checklist! I still have a lot of trouble getting past "the worst that can happen"; my brain tends to conjure up some really off-the-wall worst-case scenarios.
ReplyDeleteFear is a very real emotion. All of us are afraid of something. I am sometimes afraid of not being able to provide for my family. I am afraid of getting ill and not being able to work. I am afraid of losing the people I love so dearly. I am afraid of not being able to live up to the standards I teach in every class. What gives me peace and the ability to face my fears on a daily basis is my faith. For me that faith is God. God teaches me I am right where I am suppose to be. I believe “God never gives me more than I can handle.” With God, I have the strength to face all my fears and strive to be a better person. For me, it is an act of true faith to believe with God, everything will be alright. When my fears get the best of me, I surrender them up to God. I believe where I can’t, God can. I choose to embrace my fears like a best friend. I hold them close to my heart with acceptance and love. This helps me overcome my fears. I believe it is the path to serenity. Lastly, I accept it is okay to be afraid. What is not okay, is to let my fears stop me from
ReplyDeletefulfilling my dreams and creating the best life possible for myself, my family and the people I serve at One Martial Arts. So I live everyday with my fears. I also live with the faith, hope and belief that with God’s love and mercy, I can overcome those fears and fulfill all of my dreams.
My daughter is 24, now. When she was little, I tried to encourage her to try new things - to take reasonable risks, and to avoid risks that had consequences she couldn't afford. Today, whenever she is stressed, we run through the "worst possible outcome" scenario: "What's the absolute worst thing that could happen if you fail this exam? Could you DIE? Would your professor DIE? Would I kill you?" It doesn't take long before we're laughing about it, the fears put into a more reasonable perspective.
ReplyDeleteCatharsis. Scary movies and "safe" scary things like books and costumes let us experience fear, try out our "flight or fight responses" (to make sure they're in working order), and put the irrational fears in their place. To me, the scariest movies and books are the ones that could really happen - not the zombies and witches and goblins and ghouls, but the ones that deal with things that have really happened somewhere, to someone.
ReplyDeleteBrannon, we should put that little essay about fear front and center on the blog instead of in a comment! Very inspiring, as is most of what you share. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point - feeling fear when we know we are truly safe. Like scary movies with Mom to snuggle up with. Kind of makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this! I always end up laughing when I reflect on what I envisioned as the "worst case"!
ReplyDeleteI love the questions that Dr. Taylor poses- what a great checklist to keep in mind!
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was a little kid and my mom was diagnosed with lupus, I heard the dr tell her she had maybe two years to live. I took over cooking, cleaning, everything I could so she wouldn't have to do them, hoping in some way this would help her recover. I would lay awake at night and try to picture the worst, because I thought if I pictured it, it couldn't happen. I also tried a bit of bargaining with God. When I grew up and became Muslim I grew to understand the idea of letting things go because they were out of my hands- especially during the war. There was nothing I could to do to stop a bomb from landing on the house or a sniper from taking out my kid. The truth of the idea of letting go and trusting God became a part of me. So I would do all I could do to deal with whatever frightened me, and then I would leave the rest into hands more capable than mine.
ReplyDeleteAs one, who can easily jump the worry train to fearville, I follow this same tactic and ask myself; "How bad could it really get? What is the likelihood?"
ReplyDeleteIf in fact, their is something to worry about, I then make a plan of how to deal with it. Getting control of my worrying and gaining control of my inner voice and thoughts, prior to escalation, is the key step for me.
Oh, every now and then, I do. Make sense. Snuggle up with my kids. Shine a flashlight under the bed... ;)
ReplyDeleteI have learned the at the end of every thought usually has a feeling Free Business Cards
ReplyDelete