Fat. Ugly. Useless.
When aimed at another person, this kind of language can seem more profane than the foulest of four-letter words. Why, then, is it so easy to say such words into the mirror?
Much as a caregiver looks after everyone but himself, we are all too often considerate of the feelings of everyone but ourselves. The physical and mental variations that make us special to others are seen through our own eyes as flaws to be treated with scorn.
Think about the most recent compliment that you've received. A great hair day, perhaps. Maybe you drew a picture or knitted a scarf. What was your first reaction when someone said, "Wow, I love it"? Did you thank them, or did you immediately point out imagined errors and brush aside their comments with self-deprecation?
It can be hard to love ourselves. Why?
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If we are to be kind to others, we must first be kind to ourselves. No one knows us better than we know ourselves. Doesn't it follow that we should also see ourselves more clearly than others do? Jealousy, self-doubt, fear - these are the veils that impede our insight. Kindness is the lens that will give us the best view of the world and ourselves.
Here's an experiment to try at home. For the next week, before you go to work or wherever your day takes you, look into the mirror. Take a good look at that person. Look yourself in the eye, smile, and say, "You're going to be great today". How do you feel after the first day? After a week? How would you feel if you did it every single day?
Question: Why is it so easy to buy into a negative self-image?
Audrey, I love this post. It can be hard to shake our self-limiting beliefs about ourselves, but appreciating yourself is required before you can have a true appreciation for the people in your life.
ReplyDeleteI took a workshop about thirty years ago in which the facilitator made us practice saying I love you to the mirror every morning and night. It was a hard lesson. Kind of makes you feel dumb at first. But it's also a lot easier to say to other people once you get in the habit. I have a theory that the level of narcissism in modern society is rooted in the inability to simply and daily appreciate ourselves - just the way we are - and so we make demands for strokes from everyone around us in order to feel better.
ReplyDeleteThis is such great advice. It may seem odd at first, but it truly is revelatory when put in practice. It reminds me of the quote from Kobi Yamada that I begin most days reading - "I only wish you could see what I see when I look at you." Thanks for the great post.
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredibly important post. As a recovering (always recovering) anorexic, I know the dangers that can come from negative self-talk. There has to be a balance between self-love and vanity, humility and putting oneself down. We just all have to find it for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a great experiment! I'm definitely going to give it a shot!
ReplyDeleteWow, this post couldn't have come at a more ironic point in my summer; loving yourself is a strong foundation to have and many other things can follow. Without it, things become complicated very quickly and everything turns gray. Thank you for your post!
ReplyDeleteA powerful and needed reminder, thank you Audrey.
ReplyDeleteI had a really hard time writing this post; too many demons and not enough self-confidence. There was also a lot more that I wanted to say. Guess I'd better go blow the dust off the mirror, eh?
ReplyDeleteI am in. Self love is the key to be able to love others. Thanks!
ReplyDeletePossessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Love your Self!!!!
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