"Domestic violence is America's hidden war. And the battleground is in all our homes. " ~ Michelle Bussolotti
This month, as we discuss the importance of fostering emotional, social, physical and cyber safety, it is important to discuss one of the most prevalent safety issues in our country- that of domestic violence. Although domestic violence has played a somewhat secret role in society for generation upon generation, it has only recently begun to be recognized as major public health issue in the United States. In fact, the chances are that someone you love has been directly affected by this "hidden war". By educating ourselves about this important pandemic, we can learn how to protect and support ourselves and the people closest to us.
Here are some statistics we should all know:
Every year in the United States, 2-4 million women are assaulted by a male partner and more than 800,000 cases of domestic violence perpetrated by women against men are reported.
It is important for anybody experiencing domestic violence to know that they are not alone. Millions of people experience domestic violence each year. The term "domestic violence" it is most commonly applied to "an intimate relationship between two adults in which one partner uses a pattern of assault and intimidating acts to assert power and control over the other". It can happen to anyone, man or woman.
Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
Today, we have enough research about domestic violence to know that it is most commonly a learned behavior. Children who are exposed to domestic violence are more likely to be involved in an abusive relationship when they are older. In fact, men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.
Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.
I find this statistic to be one of the most important for two reasons. The first is that it brings to light the fact that many women (and men) who are being abused do not know how to ask for help. This may be because they feel threatened, are afraid to lose the relationship with their partner, are caught in the abuse cycle, or simply do not know that help is available. This is the second thing that can be highlighted, help is available for anyone who is experiencing domestic violence, and resources are becoming more available each year.
Here are some wonderful resources I found:
Personalized Safety Plan: WebMD, Inc. offers steps for creating a personalized safety plan to ensure the safety of you and your family in the event of recurrent or escalating violence.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: The National Domestic Violence Hotline creates access by providing 24-hour support through advocacy, safety planning, resources and hope to everyone affected by domestic violence. The Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referrals to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families. The Hotline also serves to direct victims of domestic violence to help in their area.
1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Additionally, there are many support groups available for women, men, and families who have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence in their household.
Domestic violence is not a pleasant topic to discuss, but it is an important one. It is my hope that by discussing these issues, we can move closer to a brighter future. If you know of any resources for families experiencing domestic violence, please share them.
15 comments:
It's important to remember domestic abuse doesn't have to be physical - verbal abuse is also damaging and in long-term ways. I cringe when I think of children witnessing... and experiencing... all the various forms of abuse. What's worse, for all the knowledge and resources available in modern society, it seems anger management is more an issue than ever. What's up with that? It almost seems we have certain feelings of entitlement to our anger and behavior.
Other reasons that many people stay silent and don't act are shame and embarassment. Often, the very people who are in a position to stop the abuse, e.g. families and support systems, are complicit in covering it up. Children are particularly vulnerable to this dynamic and learn to keep quiet. It can be with them for years before they are able to take action.
Dani, I completely agree. I love the definition I found for domestic violence, because it says that someone uses "intimidating acts". While these can be physically violent acts, there are also forms of emotional and economic abuse, and sometimes these can be even harder to identify. Tony, shame and embarrassment play a huge role in the abuse cycle. Victims may have the tendency to blame themselves for the actions of their partners. Hopefully, by recognizing that domestic violence is not an uncommon occurrence, and is never justified, victims will feel supported.
You're right Cameron. Domestic violence isn't a pleasant topic for discussion, but this blog and the totality of all media and information streams that address the "hidden war", provide a more welcoming environment for discussion. It is challenging, but I appreciate your blog and the resources you have shared. ~~Keith
One of the most important keys for getting a woman out of an abusive relationship, is for her to have a strong support system. Without the safety, encouragement, and love from parents, and friends, it is likely that a woman will go back to the abusive cycle. If you are aware of a friend in an abusive relationship do not give up on them, as you are their strength to getting free. To all those women who are in an abusive relationship, it is better on the other side, no matter how hard it is to walk the path to freedom, you can do it, and you are worth it.
Wow, this is brave and important post. Abuse comes in so many forms, and the younger we make children aware of what it is the more likely we'll have fewer adults being abused, and being abusive. Thank you!
Very informative post, Cameron. Creating awareness on this topic is so important and helps victims know that they are not alone and there are resources out there that they can turn to for help.
I left my husband because he was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to me and emotionally and verbally abusive to my children. It was a very difficult decision to make, but I'm so grateful I did. I found strength knowing that as a mother, I needed to protect my children. I wanted them to grow up experiencing me as being safe and providing safety for them.
My dad was mercurial--often kind and loving, but possessed of a volatile temper. Although his abuse was occasionally physical, it probably was at least close to the norms of the 1950s. But the verbal abuse was horrible. I was one of four boys, and we took it in different ways. Dad's been gone for over 40 years, but my oldest brother will hate him forever. The next was psychologically beaten down, and the rest of us more or less made peace over time. But my Mom kept complaining about him for the rest of her life. So verbal abuse has different effects on different people, but it's never good.
Words are so powerful, Bob. They can hurt, but also can mend. That's why I think personal journaling is such a healing action. Sometimes we don't even realize the pain until we write about it, and the feelings just fall out of our fingertips.
Very interesting post. My daughter was in a verbally abusive marriage and we watched as the real "her" disappeared before our eyes. Fortunately after she separated from her husband it only took about a week for her to bounce back to the normal person we always knew. That was amazing!
Thank you for taking the time to inform us and give helpful tools on this very important topic.
I agree with Leslie, this is a brave and important blog post. Domestic Violence comes in all shapes, sizes and faces. As Shana said, do not give up on your friends or family that you suspect are in an abusive relationship. It could mean their life. Thank you Cameron, this is a very uncomfortable topic but so necessary. You did an awesome job reporting facts.
Thank you for the facts about this issue, I also appreciate the resources you provided. Often folks write about this dauting topic and don't incude the important resources. Hope is crucial to heal and its comforting to be reminded we are never alone.
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