Helping Children with Transitions Part Two

By Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D.


Yesterday, we began to discuss several emotional skills that increase a child’s ability to resiliently handle the important transitions in their lives, like heading back to school after summer vacation. There are several simple exercises that you can do with your child to help strengthen his or her emotional intelligence and make these transitions easier.

Two or three weeks prior to a transition, like starting school, have your child sit in a comfortable chair and ask him to describe what he is worried about. Don’t try and talk your child out of his worries, but instead say something like: “Sometimes difficult things like what you are talking about do happen, but I can show you a good way to handle problems when they come up.”


Then ask your child to relax his or her muscles and take 10 slow deep breaths, relaxing his body with each breath. Have him breathe from his diaphragm rather than his chest (which we describe to kids as “belly breathing”). Ask him to concentrate on different muscles with each breath, first his shoulders, then the muscles in his arms and chest, then his lower body and finally, his legs and feet. Then allow your child to just rest and relax for a few more minutes.

Next, ask him or her to think about the problem again, and to come up with three or four potential solutions to his imagined problems. Discuss with your child each solution and guide them towards seeing that some solutions are better than others. Don’t tell him what you think is best. Remember that you are teaching them a problem-solving process, not a single best solution.

The key to helping your child learn emotional intelligence skills is to help him or her practice them. Once your child has thought about a good solution, have him or her practice self-calming by imagining that this good solution is actually happening. Do this at least every other day. Remember that practice makes perfect when learning reading or math, or how to play the violin or hit a baseball. The same is true in teaching kids to be more resilient.

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About the Author:
Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D. has written many books for parents and children in the area of emotional intelligence, including The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids (New Harbinger Publications, 2009). His work has been translated into over 25 languages.