The Gypsy Life

By Dani Greer

I belong to a global sub-culture. Yes, it’s true. I was intrigued to recently discover that military brats now are classified this way, based on a list of criteria that makes their lifestyles different from civilian childhoods. To say our lives are filled with transitions is an understatement. Even the most obvious – moving to new homes and schools every few years – creates a set of emotional, psychological, and social skills vastly different from those most civilian children learn. I didn’t realize to what extent the differences until I was well into my thirties.

The public’s view of military life is perhaps colored by the movie, The Great Santini, from the book by New York Times best-selling author, Pat Conroy. There were some parallels to my upbringing in the film, but for the most part, the story was much more harsh than anything I or my immediate friends experienced. Later, Mary Edwards Wertsch wrote her seminal book, Military Brats, which explored many of the cultural differences of children who grow up in a nomadic military world and often lived many years of their youth in foreign lands. A subsequent documentary, Brats:Our Journey Home by Donna Musil further explores the dynamics of a life in perpetual transition.

I don’t necessarily agree with the somewhat negative observations within the above research, which paints the results of this upbringing as perhaps more damaging than it was to many brats, and overlooks all the wonderful benefits of the gypsy life. I’ll focus on a few of the benefits next.

Military brats can often adapt to any environment quickly and gracefully. They fit in very easily no matter where they land. They are quick to explore and find the good things about their new locations, and they have a great appreciation for foreign cultures. Often, they identify strongly with their host nations, and even feel homesickness upon leaving them. The result is an ability to appreciate others who are different, and to question their own beliefs and how they stack up against other belief systems. It’s a skill they appreciate and respect in themselves and their peers. This cultural savvy also makes them good employees, who adapt easily to new companies and changes within the corporate culture.

Brats often have a deep connection with family and home as well. Because they are the main constants in a traveling life, the family members offer core stability, and the homes of military families are re-created from one location to the next. Interior spaces – the same furniture, arranged the same way, with the same familiar decorations – offer a solid anchor, when everything out the door is new and strange. Theye know where home is, and take it with them wherever they go.

In the past, it has been the mother in the family who has created this familiar home port for her loved ones. Today, the military landscape is greatly changed. Even as opportunities for women have increased, so too have the stressors on families, because often two military parents are deployed. Who is at home with the children? Where is home? Today there are no pat answers.

I worry about the children in today’s military worlds. My father was never sent to the same war zone more than once. It was almost unheard of for a soldier to serve more than two tours in Vietnam. Today, four war tours are not unusual in a compressed period of years, and the situation becomes increasingly dire for children with two parents deployed. My sister has raised her four-year-old grandchild for several of his brief four years, while her daughter is deployed to war zones. This child is fortunate – he has family who adores him and is willing to take responsibility for his care – but many military children don’t. These are the types of transitions that likely will create difficult recoveries and problems for our society in future years.

What do you think? Were you raised in the military? How did you handle transitions? How can we help military children today with their many challenges? If you don’t have a military background, did you have similar experiences and changes in your life, perhaps because your parents had jobs that required relocations, and how did you manage them? Please leave us your thoughts and advice in the comments.