In June, we posted our recommended reading for children and parents. In case you didn’t get to read the whole list, I thought I’d provide the highlights of a very important and relevant book that was on it—The Narcissism Epidemic: Living In The Age Of Entitlement, by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D.
Parents, although I strongly recommend reading the entire book, the last chapter—Treating the Epidemic of Narcissism—outlines the most effective ways for you to curb narcissism in your children (and yourselves):
1. “Vanity, self-promotion, materialism, and poor social behaviors are all linked. The increases in plastic surgery, credit card debt, videotaped violence, crass materialism, and the desire for fame are interconnected trends. The key to seeing the narcissism epidemic is knowing that narcissism underlies each of these trends.”
2. Teach your children humility, which in many ways is the opposite of narcissism. Help them to appraise themselves honestly, to remember the people who help and support them, and to value the lives of others. Lead by example.
3. Foster in your children compassion for themselves. “Compassion for yourself isn’t about admiring or esteeming the self or making excuses for shoddy behavior—it means being kind to yourself while also accurately facing reality . . . . People who practice compassion for themselves experience less anger, fewer uncontrollable thoughts about themselves, less self-consciousness, more positive emotions, more happiness, and more constructive responses to criticism. It also predicts curiosity, wisdom, the motivation to master academic tasks, and a growth in compassion for others.”
4. Promote mindfulness in your children. “Mindfulness is the awareness of the present moment—the thought, the feeling, and the physical experience—without negative judgment.” Being mindful, or present, quiets the ego and reduces narcissism. I encourage you to use our book, What Does It Mean To Be Present?, to start this conversation with your children.
4 comments:
Thank you for suggesting this book. I will definitely check it out.
Nancy
Definitely on my reading list, Rana. Thanks for sharing and look forward to reading more of your comments. I just found two other books that sound interesting to me:
Will I ever be good enough? : healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers by Karyl McBride
Children of the self-absorbed : a grown-up's guide to getting over narcissistic parents by Nina W. Brown
Plus at least a dozen others at my library. I'm right on your heels with this topic!
I read Children of the Self-Absorbed and have gifted it to several friends. It's another great book. I will buy the McBride book. Thanks a lot, Dani.
While most parents are well meaning with praise and accolades for their children, this surely is a must read. Society has pushed self-esteem over self-respect and humility. A timely book/subject and I am looking forward to reading it!
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